Seven Steps Into The Sunset™, A Modern Twist On Seven Blessings

"I’m going to need everyone’s help as we conclude today’s rite. When I asked Cori what her hopes were for the future, she said, 'I hope that we will continue to grow and change together. I can’t wait to take the next big life-steps with Todd by my side.'"--Alisa Tongg, Celebrant

Many cultures and religious traditions incorporate standard blessings into the structure of a wedding. In the Hindu tradition, the couple walks around a fire seven times while blessings for a strong union are recited over them. Jewish weddings incorporate seven blessings too, but instead of one person saying the blessings over a couple, it has become more common to divide that honor among seven of the couple's most honored guests, each giving one. 

"I’d like to invite you all to shower Cori and Todd with this confetti as a demonstration of your love and support as they take their first seven steps together as a married couple, side by side."--Alisa Tongg, Celebrant

This summer I started performing what I consider to be the grandest of all wedding finales--Seven Steps Into The Sunset™, for couples who wanted to incorporate a modern twist on these traditional blessings. Inspired by the physical action of walking around the fire and the guest participation from Jewish tradition, I created a new wedding blessings ritual that draws attention to the importance of partnership in the marital relationship.

How it works: After the couple seals their vows with a kiss, the assembled guests are instructed to gather their confetti, streamers, rice, lavender, seeds, candy...(whatever the couple wants to use and the venue will allow)... and shower the couple with their encouragement as they take their first seven steps together as a married couple.

"Today, as you take your first steps together as a married couple, let these things be true..."--Alisa Tongg, Celebrant

"May this couple be strong, healthy and able- a source of encouragement to one another."--Alisa Tongg, Celebrant

The newly wed sweethearts take one step back down the aisle for each blessing that is read for them. Their honored guests, sitting along the aisle, stand up one at a time to read their blessing over the couple. It seems that everyone gets caught up in the excitement of the moment and does whatever it takes to make sure that what they are tossing actually reaches the couple. 

"Looking outward, may this couple choose to see beauty in the world around them and find the courage in their partnership to pursue their dreams together."--Alisa Tongg Celebrant

By the end of their first seven steps together, the couple find themselves about halfway back down the aisle, surrounded by their friends and family. Symbolically, that's where their marriage will strive, surrounded by the support and unconditional love of their family and community.

Now comes the "into the sunset" part of this new modern wedding ritual--one more kiss. More rice thrown. Cue the Recessional song. And my sincerest wish that all of these good things will be true.


Thank you to Bob Sanchuk and Chad Sebring at Two Sticks Studio for capturing these joyful moments of Todd + Cori's first steps together as a married couple.  I loved watching their friends and family get up from their seats to find an ideal spot to shower this couple with their best wishes.  To see more of Bob and Chad's work, or more images from Todd + Cori's wedding, please visit
www.twosticksstudio.com

Maria + Shawn, Growing Up Together

 

Shawn and Maria believe fate brought them together. They were born in the same hospital within 24 hours of each other. With last names starting with G and H, Maria likes to think they were placed in the nursery side by side. But it wasn’t until Shawn transferred into the same high school, freshman year that Maria and Shawn first officially met each other. 

 

Over the years, they’ve been in each others lives for every major rite of passage: learning how to drive, graduation, college, moving in together, first jobs, becoming parents to Lilly the cat, and most recently moving across the country to Detroit as Shawn pursues a chance in a lifetime.

Maria says that it was during college that she realized that they were going to be together forever. “The years kept on increasing; we were having so much fun together," she says, “…we were growing up together.” And there was something magical about it.

 

"Maria, the man whose hands you hold loves you very much. He’s determined and passionate in his quest to become the best version of himself and to build a strong foundation for your future. He’s serious and intentional about his commitments and he’s absolutely, 100% in love with you."--Alisa Tongg, Celebrant

Two pieces of a puzzle, Shawn says that “Maria is my soul mate. We’ve grown up together, our shared experiences have molded us into who we are today.” And Maria says that she truly believes “that fate brought us together and that we belong together.” 

Having grown up together, it's understandable that Shawn and Maria have a very large group of family and friends, people who love and support them and have been cheering them on each step of the way. They chose to have their public ceremony at The Cork Factory in Reading, PA. 

Prior to their wedding day, Nan, the mother of the groom, assembled the flowers for the Circle of Love. She told me that she had held each flower and focused her love and energy into each one before guests added them to the circle. 

Shawn embraces his mother, Nan.

It was important to Maria and Shawn that their guests feel included in their ceremony, so we invited everyone to help build a Circle of Love which served as their altar.  As guests arrived, each family was asked to contribute a flower to the circle on the floor in the ceremonial space. The flowers, (a beautiful collection of white-toned mums and lilies) had each been blessed and infused with the love of by Shawn's mother Nan the day before.

 

When it was completed, their Circle of Love became a physical representation of the support and well-wishes that all of their family and friend had already provided for them throughout their lives. And it was here, surrounded by all of this rich symbolism that Maria and Shawn crossed another threshold in life together--as they stood in the center of this sacred space, they made their promises and vows to each other and were joined together in marriage.

A woman of many talents and not afraid to love out loud, Nan later surprised and delighted guests at the reception with her dance moves in a highly choreographed "Gangnam Style" tribute with her son and his best buddies.

I would like to thank Matthew Tennison and his team at Tennison Photography for providing these amazing pictures and for capturing so many magical moments for Maria and Shawn as they start this next chapter of their lives together. To see more of Matthew's work, or even more of Maria and Shawn (or Nan's enviable dance moves), please visit www.tennisonphotography.com

Lee Ann + Steven, A Match Made In Sixth Grade

I doubt that Miss. Jones, their 6th grade English teacher, knew what events would eventually be set into motion when she seated Lee Ann next to Steven at the start of the year. An outgoing, optimistic and chatty girl, Lee Ann would constantly get both of them in trouble for "talking his ear off" and drawing and writing all over his arms--all of the time. Steven was quieter, but obviously a willing participant.  The truth is Steven has always been absolutely crazy about Lee Ann.

As they grew up, they eventually started dating and love was hard to deny. "We've never really been neutral" confesses Lee Ann. To date, Steven's the only man who has ever had the power to leave Lee Ann speechless--and that was when he surprised her on top of the Empire State Building by getting down on his knee and asking for her to spend forever with him.

They got married on the Fourth of July at the beautiful Shawnee Inn at Golf Resort in front of a gorgeous group of very patriotically dressed friends and family. Naturally, such a warm and loving couple wanted their guests to feel included in their ceremony.

As guests arrived they were invited to contribute a flower to a circle in the ceremony space where Lee Ann and Steven were going to exchange their vows. Since the ceremony was outdoors, this was a wonderfully visual way to differentiate the space the couple stands in, while not trying compete with the natural beauty that the Delaware River provides.

 

Wedding party adds their flowers to the Circle of Love before taking their places.

As the wedding party came in, they all added their flowers to the Circle of Love before taking their places. Lee Ann and Steven's parents were the last to add their flowers before taking their seats.

It's a joining of two families as Steven waits with both his mother and father for Lee Ann to arrive.

"The Circle of Love is a physical representation of all the support and well-wishes that all of you--their family and friends-have already provided for this couple throughout their lives."--Alisa Tongg, Celebrant

After they each said "I do", exchanged vows and then rings, Steven and Lee Ann participated in the Common Cup ritual. Many cultures believe to share from the same cup is to open yourself to shared experience, to share life's joys together, thus doubling them; and to share life's sorrows, thus dividing them in half. Sharing a glass of wine for Steven and Lee Ann was just another way to reinforce their promise to be committed to sharing all that life brings them.

"Many cultures believe to share from the same cup is to open yourself to shared experience, to share life's joys together, thus doubling them; and to share life's sorrows, thus dividing them in half."--Alisa Tongg, Celebrant

My hope is that life brings them many more occasions for watching stars in parks, slow dancing in parking lots and leaving Lee Ann speechless.

Thank you to Doug Nevick at Douglas James Photography for providing these amazing images. For more of their work visit: douglasjamesphoto.com

Nikki + Sue...Marriage without an Asterisk

After Nikki and Sue sealed their vows with a kiss, they invited their friends to head up to the reception site while they went off with their photographer to take some sunset photos. Being a little bit of a rule breaker (and an involved older sister) I followed Nikki and Sue onto these gorgeous cliffed pastures and watched them with so much love in my heart.

Nikki + Sue walking into the sunset. Photo Credit Alisa Tongg 2013

When I posted all my wedding trip pictures to Facebook, there was one picture that stood out as everyone's favorite. One of their friend's suggested in the comments that I should send it over to Freedom To Marry's Facebook page. So after the dust settled I did.

Freedom to Marry is the campaign to win marriage equality nationwide. Inspired by their love story too, they did a profile on Nikki + Sue and their wish for a marriage without an asterisk. You can read it here.

Cori + Todd and The Law of Conservation

In the early 2000’s Todd and Cori were both passionately involved in the local independent music scene. They became friends but didn’t start dating until Todd traded in the glamour of tour buses for safety goggles and a lab coat as he pursued a career in Chemistry and made time for dates on the ice skating rink. 

There's is a story of balance, of equals--a love that is supposed to happen. Ask any nerd and they'll verify, that when it comes to chemistry, the secret to success is in balancing equations. So of course, it made perfect sense that Cori and Todd chose to use an elaborate chemical reaction as their unity ritual to demonstrate the transformation of their relationship in their wedding ceremony. 

After they said "I do" and exchanged rings, they each added vessels filled with dry ice, a solid form of carbon dioxide, into an Erlenmeyer flask containing a purple solution (Todd's secret formula). The solution began to bubble and by the time they had sealed their vows with a kiss, the solution had changed into many different colors. 

As I watched the flask magically change from one bright color to the next, I couldn't help but think of how perfectly the Law of Conservation speaks to so many of our hopes and dreams around the marital relationship.  The Law of Conservation states that basically in a closed system (like a marriage), mass can neither be created nor destroyed, but it can (through balancing complex equations involving energy transfers, state changes etc.) be rearranged and re-purposed. Or in layman's terms: you get what you came in with, better like the essence of yourself, your partner and be able to adapt.

There's that old saying that, "the only thing constant in life is change." Unlike a typical one-phase unity ritual, this particular chemical reaction celebrated, beautifully, the ongoing ways that this couple will continue to be transformed under Love's influence. Congratulations to Cori and Todd as they start their married life together!

A special thanks to Bob Sanchuk and Chad Sebring over at Two Sticks Studios for capturing these amazing moments and for sharing them here. 

Dan + Lisa Love Their Modern Family

Their Story:

Dan and Lisa met via algorithm four years ago. Dan jokes that Lisa scored the highest on two very important tests: the compatibility test crunched by Match.com was the first, and his personally crafted and administered ”hotness” exam was the second.

Compelled by their connection, Dan asked Lisa to move in with him just three months later. At eight months, they bought a house together and the five children between them started to grow into a family. 

Nicole Leigh Photography

Last spring in Boston, while sitting side-by-side on a waterfront bench, in a dreamlike setting surrounded by a canopy of white lights, Dan surprised Lisa by pulling out a sparkling ring box and asked her to spend the rest of her life with him. 

Their Ceremony: 

As Lisa and Dan prepared for their wedding day, they were determined to use their ceremony as a tool to honor their relationships with their five children.

Lisa's son Antonio walks her down the aisle. Nicole Leigh Photography

Shortly after making their own vows to each other, Dan and Lisa turned their attention to the children (who were also the adoring wedding party) and extended their promises to the family. When everyone gathered to participate in their Sand Ceremony, they each poured their sand from individually decorated vessels. 
 

 

 

Before the ceremony, the girls gather to admire the variety of styles to their sand pouring vessels.

Perhaps the most moving moment came, however, when the whole family gathered in a circle for the surprise reading of the List of Loves. As parents to this new modern brood, Lisa and Dan had written something for each child, a List of Loves that acknowledged and paid tribute to the unique attributes and gifts of their five children. Addressing each child as I read this Love List was definitely the most moving moment of the day for many present.

Sweet Isabella leans in to her mother's embrace as she listens to the things Lisa and Dan appreciate about her. Nicole Leigh Photography

There's something incredibly beautiful about being seen for who you are and being accepted. For Dan and Lisa, their ability to create a safe space of love, belonging and acceptance with each other has become the fertile ground on which each member of their modern family is whole-heartedly cherished and celebrated. It was an honor to witness the joining of this family. 

Hannah's gold sparkly Converse sneakers. Nicole Leigh Photography

Congratulations to Lisa, Dan, Lucia, Antonio, Isabella, Hannah and Isabel on your new, beautiful and lovely family!

Thank you to Nicole Leigh from Nicole Leigh Photography for being so generous and sharing these amazing images. 

Karissa + Robert sitting in a tree...

Karissa and Robert chose to have their hands fasted together as one of their unity rituals. Kristen Rath Photography.

Their Story: Karissa and Robert met at Karissa’s Uncle Matt’s wedding in 2005.

Dazzled by each other, they spent the night talking and dancing. The next morning over the post wedding brunch, Robert asked Karissa if he could take her out the following week.  They exchanged numbers. But she never called.

It wasn’t until five and a half years later, when a mysterious text from Rob arrived. We will never know exactly the entire story behind that text, but it did bring our couple back together.  This time, Karissa says, that by the second day they spent together, she knew she was “completely in love with Robert, and knew that someday he would be the man she married.”

Karissa honors her father and step-father and their roles in her life by including both in her processional. Kristen Rath Photography.

Their Wedding:  Karissa is a woman blessed with so many loving relationships in her life, and in her wedding ceremony she wanted to honor them.  From the start, her style was inclusion.  Some highlights included walking down the aisle arm-in-arm with both her step-father and her father, a heart warming forehead nuzzling from her father as he gave her away, a surprise birthday tribute to her Gram (and number one Karissa + Robert supporter throughout the years), and a family unity ritual for three-year old Owen to participate in.

Every member of the family can participate. Here three year old Owen pours his sand into the new family vessel. Kristen Rath Photography.

When it came time to seal their vows with a kiss, in a full-circle sort of way, Karissa found herself in the same situation as in the start of the ceremony—in between the two most important fellas in her life. Ah, the Circle of Love!

A special thank you to Kristen Rath Photography for capturing these cherished moments (and more) and for sharing them here. For more of Kristen Rath Photography, please visit:  http://www.kristenrathphotography.com/