A Hawaiian Tradition In A Very New England Wedding

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When we first started talking about their December ceremony in Boston, Emily + Amy were sure they wanted to include something from Hawaii--something that would demonstrate the Aloha Spirit that Emily had experienced as a teenager living in Maui.  We decided that a hand-fasting would be the perfect fit for their ceremony.

Long ago when exchanging rings was only the possibility for the very rich, ordinary folks would pledge themselves to each other (often in a field) and have their hands bound together with a piece of ribbon, cord or tartan plaid from the bride’s family.  

In Hawaii, the custom is the same, only a lei is used instead.  Besides being beautiful to look at, leis are a symbol of love and respect, a way to honor someone and a way to mark a celebratory moment. 

I removed the lei from around my neck and wrapped Amy + Emily's hands together.

Emily ordered a maile lei to be delivered overnight from Honolulu for her wedding day, and as I took the lei from around my neck to wrap their hands together, I said, “May the spirit of Aloha, which means generous love and warm acceptance be plentiful in your lives together”.

 

Aubrey B Greene Photography www.aubreybgreene.com

Lovely bride Amy at her reception adorned with a maile lei.

They remained joined by the beautifully green and fragrant maile lei throughout the rest of their ceremony.  In a beautiful gesture at their reception, Emily draped the maile lei around the neck and shoulders of her bride Amy.  It was breathtaking. They were breathtaking.

My first gay wedding ceremony, it's a nail biter...

When my childhood friend Emily asked me earlier this fall if I would officiate her holiday wedding to her girlfriend (now fiancé) of seven years, I felt really honored.  Yes, I could do that--after all creating personalized wedding ceremonies is what I do. 

Alisa + Emily at the end of the volleyball season circa 1994.  Notice, much to our coach's chagrin, that I am wearing lipstick!

But could  I actually do that?  This was going to be my first same-gender wedding ceremony, and I wondered if Emily thought I had access to some sort of magic formula or was she just used to trusting me as a teammate--like when we played basketball (soccer and volleyball too--okay, we went to a really small school) together. 

Even though I was all suited up and ready for the tip off, behind my game face was the humbling knowledge that not only had I never officiated a wedding like this before, this was also going to be my first time attending a same-gender wedding too!  Talk about having sweaty palms and feeling unprepared.

Over the last two weeks, I was inspired by IX Bishop of New Hampshire, Gene Robinson’s new book God Believes In Love: Straight talk about gay marriage in which he shares his own personal story of finding and marrying the love of his life.  God Believes in Love contains a persuasive argument that the ability to wholly commit to another person and the desire to create a sacred bond with that person is not exclusive to opposite-gendered couples.

“Marriage calls us to be our best selves, for each other.  Marriage is the very human attempt to make a place in one’s heart for another—a place so holy as to make it possible to have a love for another person at times greater than the love of one’s self.” (God Believes In Love pg. 15)

Creating Emily’s wedding ceremony, writing her love story, and incorporating a wedding tradition from Hawaii (where we grew up together) has been a really wonderful experience for me.  Additionally, it’s been a way for me to express my best wishes for someone whom I genuinely care for and admire. 

After I got over being intimidated by this new frontier and opportunity that Emily granted me access to, I was able to do what I do best --lead in the process of creating a truly authentic rite of passage for Emily and Amy.  Just like I do with every other couple I work with, I asked questions and listened for the answers.  And just like I felt when she first asked me to officiate their wedding, I feel even more honored today having been trusted with the preciousness of their story and their hopes for the future.

Stay tuned for my next post after their wedding next weekend.

Family Treasures and Inspired Weddings

Last year I had the privilege to assist my good friend Heather create collateral for what she called “fantasy dream weddings”.  Heather and her husband Nate, run the most special couture stationery shop-- Arak Kanofsky Studios--and were working with Matthew Robbins to put together his new book, Inspired Weddings: Designing Your Big Day with Favorite Objects & Family Treasures.  

Matthew Robbins (center) and Heather Arak (left) at a book signing June 2012.

Inspired Weddings gives couples a handful of gorgeous examples of how to take an object of personal meaning and design the entire wedding around it.   Invitations, venue location, flowers, table settings, favors, and (my favorite) menus—are all touched by something special about the inspiring object.  

My part in “assisting” was small—I got to create what I considered the most perfect menus for these inspired couples.  Now, that my professional focus has shifted from writing and fantasizing about food to writing, fantasizing about LOVE and crafting ceremonies, I’m ready to help Matthew add a new component for his next edition—Inspired Ceremonies!

Matthew jokes (but not really!) that he likes to dress "in palette" when he's with his book.

Our treasured objects and family heirlooms could easily be incorporated into the ceremony and, when appropriate, used in a ritual that would add another layer of meaning to these highly personal symbols.  An heirloom cup used in a wedding could be used in other rites of passage and ceremonies: baby namings, house blessings, anniversaries and funerals. Things, and what they become to us, can add a deeper level of meaning to our daily lives if we take a moment to honor their symbolism and our connection with them.