Ashley + Jon, 'I Want The World To Celebrate'

Ashley and Jonathan were married surrounded by warm glowing lights at Philadelphia’s Front & Palmer. The sparkling backdrop from their ceremony space was a perfect fit to describe their special connection, love for friends and family, and hopes for the future.

"She’s gorgeous, intelligent, hardworking, funny and confident. You can’t imagine a “better partner with whom to share the rest of your days.” This is the woman with whom you share a magical connection, the face that lights up when you return, hands that will touch yours as you share life’s many adventures together." --Alisa Tongg, Celebrant

"He’s smart and handsome, funny, kind, romantic and outgoing. This is a man who demonstrates his capacity for fierce loyalty and optimism, even when his beloved Philadelphia sports teams are down on their luck. The man who makes you laugh everyday, who warms your soul and fills your heart, he’s the sane to your crazy, the calm to your storm, the clean to your messy, he’s your perfect complement and your best friend."--Alisa Tongg, Celebrant

Through all the changes in their past eight years together, Ashley and Jon have built their dreams around each other one day at a time.

Love Story (an excerpt from their ceremony)

It was Senior Week, and Ashley was in Ocean City with friends celebrating graduation. “On a whim”, Ashley texted her friend Brandon from work, (who lives in Pennsylvania, but just happened to also be in Ocean City on this particular Wednesday night), and invited him to join in the celebrations.
Brandon was in Ocean City with his friend Jon and within the hour they all met up to head over to a party together.

Now, during the summer of 2007, Jon was going through a stage where he wore sleeves on his head, and this particular night, like many other days that year, he was fully committed to helping this fashion trend take off.

At the party, in a room full of people, Ashley remembers being drawn to Jon, and out of everyone, it was him she wanted to know. And Ashley had made an impression on Jon too. He says he remembers being in disbelief that his friend Brandon was “chatting with a girl that attractive!”

And maybe there was a little magic in Jon’s sleeve, because at the end of the night, Ashley texted Brandon, “your friend in the sleeve is really cute!” Ashley and Jon made plans to meet up again, and Jon says, “I knew something was going to come from it…and it did!”

Five months after they first met, while both home for Thanksgiving break, sitting next to each other on a sofa watching a movie together, all Jonathan could think about was how great it felt to be with Ashley. He recalls, “everything just felt right” he asked Ashley if she would be his girlfriend. And a few months later, on Valentine’s Day, he finally told her what had been brewing in his heart since that night on the sofa…it was love.

For Ashley, when it came to love, it seems as if she and Jon were existing in their own dimension of time, “it happened all at once and slowly at the same time,” she says, “which when you think about it doesn’t make much sense, but that’s how it felt—and how it still feels…”

Over the years, Ashley and Jon have evolved and developed into new versions of themselves, and this has been exciting. In the summer of 2009, when they both moved to State College together, Jon remembers knowing that he wanted to be with Ashley in a forever sort of way—“It was moving day, her dad and brother left and it was just us in our new apartment full of boxes,” Jon remembers looking around and at Ashley and just knowing that “this was going to be great.” Ashley adds, “as we grow and change and mature, it feels like we are doing it together…I am always discovering new parts of him to love.”

Last year, over Memorial Day Weekend, Jonathan flew into Chicago to surprise Ashley who was there on a work assignment. On their way to dinner, Jon asked a young woman walking by if she’d snap a picture of the two of them together...and then a second one just to be sure. When Ashley went to put her arm around Jon for the second picture, she reached and missed…then she discovered Jonathan down on one knee, with a ring in his hand, asking, “Will you marry me?”

Ring Blessing Jon and Ashley wanted their guests to feel invited to participate in the start of their marriage, so we included a Ring Blessing in their ceremony. In a Ring Blessing, or Ring Warming, the couple’s wedding bands are passed through all the guests, so that each friend or family member can infuse the rings with their own private wish or prayer for the couple and their marriage. By the time the couple exchanges their rings later on the in the ceremony, the rings have collected a tremendous amount of good will from all the witnesses.

Bill Murray was also there in spirit.

Remembrance Not every loved one was able to be present to witness the start of Jon and Ashley’s married life together. So we included a special Remembrance for Jon’s father Robert. In honor of his father’s influence and lasting and loving example in his life, Jon chose to wear his late-father’s wedding band as his own.

Unity Ritual, Wine Box: Ashley and Jon chose the Anniversary Wine Box + Love Letters for their unity ritual. They brought a wooden box symbolizing the strength and endurance of their marriage; a bottle of wine symbolizing that their marriage will only get better over time; a hammer and two nails to demonstrate the active and intentional part of love in a marriage, and love letters. They plan to open their Anniversary Box once a year, drink the wine while  reminiscing and then replace the bottle and add new love letters for the next anniversary.

 

Guests signed their best wishes on to the Newlyweds' custom Anniversary Wine Box

As Ashley and Jon sealed their vows with a kiss and took the first steps into their married life, MIKA 'Celebrate' played and set the tone for the rest of the celebration.

"...Everyone says now or never


I say only if it's better


Be a night like this forever


We know better



I want the world to celebrate


I want the world to celebrate


I want the world to celebrate


I want the world to celebrate..."

Solidity Films was there to film the entire celebration, watch their highlight film here...https://vimeo.com/139632935

Photographer || Pat Robinson Photography 
Cinematography || Solidity Films 
Venue || Front & Palmer 
Officiant: Alisa Tongg, Celebrant

Lisa + Ben, Stylish Micro-Wedding at The Living Wall at Promise Ridge

This August, Ben and Lisa traveled down from Toronto where they live, to northeastern Pennsylvania to exchange vows at the Living Wall at Promise Ridge. Just their immediate family was invited. Although their family knew of their plans for an intimate elopement-style wedding, the details of the celebration weekend were kept as a surprise for Lisa and Ben's family. 

Micro-wedding set-up at The Living Wall at Promise Ridge

Limelight hydrangea from the garden.

 

Lisa looked elegant in her two-piece lace pencil skirted wedding suit and held a simple bouquet of summer flowers from the garden. Ben was handsome in his new dark blue linen suit excited for the surprise finale to their wedding ceremony. 

We included a Ring Blessing in their ceremony, so that everyone would have a chance to infuse their best wishes for the couple and their marriage into their rings before Lisa and Ben exchanged them.

   

After their exchange of vows, Lisa and Ben signed their marriage certificate, and then sealed their promises with a kiss. Their first act as a married couple was partaking in an adaptation of the German wedding tradition of sawing a log in half. 

 

Leading up to their wedding, Ben had found a man in New Jersey, close to the airport they flew into, who had beautiful estate tools for sale. On their drive into Pennsylvania for their wedding weekend, Lisa and Ben, delighted in their procurement of one of these vintage double-handled saws for their unity ritual. 

 

Lisa and Ben started the task of sawing their log in half, symbolizing that they will continue to work together as a team to overcome life's obstacles. Then, their gathered family was surprised to be asked to participate as well. Lisa and Ben wanted their family to know how much they depended on their love and support in their lives too, and asked everyone to take a turn at helping them saw their log in half. The dads were up first, followed by the bride and groom's mothers, then their siblings all took turns helping. When everyone had pitched in, the newlyweds finished the task to the sounds of enthusiastic cheers.

Lisa and Ben gather their families for a new family portrait.

As the newlyweds made their way to their getaway car, they discovered that their family had a surprise for them too!

Photographer | Susie Forrester Photography
Officiant | Alisa Tongg, Celebrant
Venue | The Living Wall at Promise Ridge

Vows, a primer

Jeremy promises Linda...With Love & Embers

I recently had the honor of contributing to Philadelphia Weddings Magazine's "Ask an Expert" series. In their upcoming Spring/Summer 2016 issue (see page 78!), the question posed was about what options do couples have when wanting to expand on traditional vows ...and what to do if both members of the couple are not on the same page as far as crafting something from scratch.

Of course this got me thinking about why so many people feel the need to write their own vows when there are so many beautiful traditional ones out there. And then...why wouldn't someone want to write their own, every marriage is a unique partnership so shouldn't the vows be personal too? Here's what I put together and I hope it will serve to open possibilities for genuine connection for those about to make that journey down the aisle soon.

The good news is that you can each say different vows, there’s no rule that says you need to say the same thing as your intended during this part of the ceremony. Where your partner may feel overwhelmed with the thought of creating something new or might just be shy and would feel more comfortable keeping the vows traditional and somewhat impersonal in front of a crowd, many people feel those traditional vows don’t capture fully what modern marriages are hoping to fulfill.

Susan going over her Vows one more time moments before the ceremony.

In my opinion, the big reason more and more couples have the desire to adapt or add to traditional vows, is that in today’s culture, we expect more from our spouse than people did 100 years ago. Today when people decide to get married, they are often marrying their best friend, lover, co-parent, career counselor, fitness and life coach, therapist and adventure partner. Because of this increased dependence on one person and relationship for fulfillment, naturally people look to add language to convey a heightened sense of commitment and responsibility to the other, not just to care for our bodies as we get older or sick, but to be a partner who will encourage us to become the best version of ourselves—a partner equally committed to enriching our lives as they are to their own.

Erman wipes a tear from Lori's cheek. Douglas Benedict Photography

In the ceremony creating process, I share a collection of my favorite vows with couples (I also send them over to a Vows board I have on Pinterest to help with brainstorming and inspiration.) Then I give them permission to select different sets, create a hybrid of the promises that most apply to their relationship and hopes for the future, switch out language so that it sounds more natural coming from them (I had a bride last year who promised to be her husband’s “Player 2 for life”). And if they want, to write something of their own.

All of these sets of traditional vows are just one paragraph in length, so when couples realize that they don’t need to write a whole letter, but 4-5 thoughtful sentences instead, writing your own vows becomes less daunting.

Stewart sandwiches a little humor into a gorgeous set of personal vows to Eduardo. "Because of you, I dream a whole lot bigger." We Laugh We Love Photography

The most powerful and touching vows I’ve read, written or witnessed have come from the inspirational frame work of, What does my partner, with all of his/her fears, insecurities and hopes--most need to hear from me? What ancient wound can I be deliberate in helping my partner heal? What’s the thing you most desire but don’t have? Is it a sense of family or heritage? A father? Security/ Stability? To be seen and known? To be enough? Acceptance? To belong? Once we identify what these things are for ourselves and our partner, we can take a step to soothing whatever that anxiety is for them. We can use our vows to show that we truly understand our partner and are committed to being intentional about how we love and show up for our partner in the life ahead.

Patrick promises Laura. Sarah McKay Photography

Did your partner grow up feeling isolated and left out? Maybe you can create a vow about how you are committed to creating a home, family and rich community life with them.

Is it hard for your partner to trust others because they’ve been betrayed, abandoned or disappointed in the past? Maybe the best promise to give this person is that in all of your actions and meditations, that you will strive to be worthy of the gift of their trust.

Maybe you’re afraid that as life becomes more complicated, that you will lose the part of you that delights your partner—your spark. Most people focus on their partner when making vows, but this is an example of where it would be appropriate to make a promise about how you will respect, honor and treat yourself with kindness, acknowledging your responsibilities to offer your partner your best.

Bil Cardoni Photography

Here are some examples of ways that I’ve seen soaring language incorporated in vows, any of these promises can be added on to a set of traditional vows.

“I promise to comfort you in times of distress and celebrate your triumphs as if they were my own.” –speaks to creating an emotional as well as physical safe space, to not abandon, but instead to be fully invested in the identity and enrichment of your spouse. There’s no jealousy when their partner shines, only pride.

“I promise to listen to and learn from you, and to trust your decisions as well as respect your opinions.” –seeing your partner as a source for learning and growing, someone worthy or respect.

“I promise that I now see my family as yours, your family as mine, and look forward to loving the family we create.”

“I promise to persevere when times get tough, knowing that any challenges we might face, we will conquer them together.” –a pledge to be a true partner, to not quit. To see challenges as opportunities for strengthening relationship.

“I will cherish and protect your friendship all of my life.” –acknowledging that friendship is of utmost value and worth being proactive about developing.

“I promise to respect, admire and appreciate you for who you are, as well as for the person you wish to become.” -psychologists call this “positive illusions”, and a mental state where we assume the best about our partner’s character is thought to enhance and stabilize long term bonding.

Heather's book of promises to Nate. Jeremie Barlow Photography

Last year, Samantha Joel, a Ph.D. candidate who studies the science of relationships at the University of Toronto wrote a set of 10 vows for her own wedding based on what she knew to support a long and healthy relationship. These vows may not make a good sound bite, but they are definitely an excellent framework for how we should strive to be in relationship.

Eduardo promises Stewart "to always be your safe place, to encourage, support and believe in you." We Laugh We Love Photography

At this particular point in time, one of my favorite set of vows comes from my friend Heather and her husband Nate, who just renewed their vows on their 20th wedding anniversary. Here’s what they continue to promise each other:

I take you ____, to be my wedded husband/wife. I promise to share my life openly with you, to speak truthfully and lovingly, to accept you fully and delight in your becoming. I will respect your uniqueness; encourage your fulfillment and support you with compassion through all the changes that life will surly bring.